Favorite Moment of the Day #5

When you're willing to be silly and embarrass yourself in front of everyone with me. :)

Favorite Moment of the Day #4

Falling asleep in your arms while watching Rugrats. :)

Blinded by Your Love

Dear boyfriend,
Can you believe it? We've been dating for so long now.
It's like we've known eachother forever.
Or at least if feels that way.
It's amazing you know.

You took my everything and I took all you had to give in return.
I tell you my secrets and you except me for who I am.
I love it.

We stay up arguing all night from time to time, but I know when I wake up we'll move on. Forgive eachother, realize it was nothing to obsess over. We're more than a tiny disagreement.

I love you. I really, truely do.
You say you love me back and boy, the way you say it sounds so real.
I believe you, I trust you.

I look forward to the nights when I can fall asleep inside your warm, strong arms.
I look forward to those nights when we're comfortable just sitting in silence playing on our ipods, but deep down we're connecting without saying a word. Our young teenage bodies just gently brushing against eachother. Nothing more. 

Please don't ever let me fall because boy,
I don't only love you, but I'm in love with you.

Dying inside...

Do you ever just feel... hurt?
Like entirely, down to your soul in pain.
You just wanna break down and cry. Never stop.

Well, that's how I feel right now and I just don't know what to do.
If there's anyone out there listening who feels this way, too... talk to me.

I know it'll get better.
Keep trying.

"Hey, it's gunna be okay... Hey, we're gunna laugh at this one day".

Favorite Moment of the Day #3

When you are sitting in statistics class and two kids are having a staring contest that is so intense that it lasts over ten minutes and it looks like they are about to cry.

Favorite Moment of the Day #2

When I was sitting wanting to cry and you wrapped your arms around me and didn't say a thing cause you knew I wouldn't be able to reply anyways.

Interesting...

Saw this somewhere and figured I'd post it cause I know all three are "doable", but as a high schooler I can understand the meaning.

"Life of a teenager: A Social life, Good Grades, Enough Sleep.
Rules: Choose Two".

Favorite Moment of the Day #1

Seeing the smirk you get on your face when you're trying not to laugh as I kiss your stomache cause I know it tickles you.

The magic of lyrics.

Here I go again, rambling about music.
Oh how wonderful it is. The powerful ways it can get to you whether it is the beat of the drum or the the lyrics that repeat in your head day after day. It sticks to us, it helps us grow. It inspires us. And not to mention, we love it. Just admit it. You do, too!

Ever had one song that you listen to and it's lyrics stick out to you a lot?
Well, today I was doing my statistics homework when the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol came on my shuffle. Yes, it is an old song, but there are SO many parts that are like BAM! Welcome to my life.

Such as:

"I don't quite know how to say how I feel".
"If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
"We don't need anything or anyone."

So, here's the song! Throwback, much?!

Santa Clause is Coming to Town... in November?

GRR!
Yes, November 15, 2011 and radio stations have now been blasting Christmas Carols and other holiday songs through my stereo for TWO WEEKS already!

So yes, I am obviously one of the people who is not a fan of the whole "holiday music in November" kind of thing, but what can I say? It's just too early! Honestly, I'm a huge fan of the holiday season- ALL of the holidays. I think they're pretty cool even though a lot of people don't celebrate them for the religious reasons that they were brought up by. I really do enjoy going out and buying my friends and family gifts and counting down the days till I get to see their smiles- or fake smile- when they open up their gifts, even though it leaves my almost empty high schooler's wallet actaully empty. It's so worth it!

Anyways, to say the least. Really, radiostations. Really?

Inspiring.

So today, I was on one of my all time FAVORITE websites: lettersillneversend.com when I found an inspiring one on the "most read" list. It was titled "YOU." Although the author is anonymous and we shall never know who wrote it and I do not wish to claim credit for this letter, I do wish to share it with you anyways. So, here it is...


YOU.
You. Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.

You should be happy. You are gorgeous.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?

You are alive.
Everything will be okay.

Why I cry.

I cry because I don't get along with my parents.
I cry because I can't live up to my older siblings.
I cry because I can't reach my parents' and families high expectations.
I cry because I'm stressed.
I cry because I'm losing all my friends.
I cry because it appears my boyfriend doesn't care as much as he used to.
I cry because even when I try in school, I fail.
I cry because my grandma could die any day because the cancer is now undefeatable.
I cry because I get crap everyday for not having a job yet.
I cry because no one is there for me when I need them.
I cry because asking for help doesn't actually get me help.
I cry because I can't find a way to put my reasons for crying into words when I talk to other people.
I cry because I'm so sick of crying every night.

I cry because I'm almost ready to give up.

You promised...

You promised.
You promised to me that you wouldn’t do drugs or drink or anything because you know that I don’t like that kind of thing. You promised that if you ever did happen to slip and do anything like it, you’d tell me.
So why is it that even though you promised- and even though you haven’t broken it (YET!)- you seem to have your graduation night all planned out so that you’ll be getting drunk with your cousins and you hadn’t told me or even thought of inviting me?

Why, honestly.. did you promise me this, but have this whole night that’s months away already PERFECTLY planned out.

Thanks for making me question our trust today. What bitter hatred I have towards you right now, but I wish it would all just go away…

Futuristic talking.

The future.
What a huge subject.

“What do you wanna do with your life, J?”
Such a common asked question, but the answer?
Uh, I don’t know. I’m looking into being a therapist, maybe something to do with English. Yeah, I’m pretty good at English.

I mean really. Am I supposed to know what I really wanna do with the rest of my life? How will I know that I’ll actually like what I spend twenty grand a year for up to about six years going to college for?
Do you know? Should I know? I’m still trying to figure out what classes I want to take next year… IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Does this mean I’m going to fail? What will that one C I got do to my chances of getting into the school or program I want anyways? It’s tuff luck with making it into college.

My dad asked me the other day when I mentioned taking SATS…
“Before we worry about taking those, why don’t we think about what you wanna be when you grow up first. Does it really require a college education? What about the school you want to go to. Are SATS what they really look at?”

Well, dad.. I don’t know. I really just don’t know anymore.

Will I ever?
Sincerely, confused and still creating a path.

Dreading it...

Dear D,

Let me tell you one thing. I'd really like to be optimistic and say we'll be together forever. Grow up, get married, buy a house and pop out a few kids together, but hey. They say high school sweathearts just don't last. They're just a fling almost... that is, that can last for a couple years. I wish our love could last forever the way it burns right now. The feelings towards each other, the silly games we play, the shared moments- happy and sad.

I've experienced heartbreak before, so have you. I didn't like it and I've yet to meet someone who does. (Don't think I ever will find someone who does...) But there's this problem, you see. You are my first real love. We've been dating for sometime and even though our bond is still strong, there is no gurantee it will last forever. And this is why no matter how hard I try and I love living in the moment with you, there are nights where I fall asleep and think about the fact that it could end anyday, whether we want it to or not.

I don't think I'll ever be ready for that day, I don't want to ever be ready for that day, but if it ever does come and it's on your terms promise me you'll be easy on me. Promise that you'll never forget the countless hours we spent together. Promise me you'll remember the nights we stayed outside laying under the stars till three in the morning. Promise me that you'll be the sweet ex who still checks in later on because whether it is still not "love" or "dating" you did once care and you always will, just like you said the first week we started talking. Just promise me... you won't break my heart too much.

Love always, J.

AB- music video update. WOOHOO!

Hey, so previously I had posted an "Anti-bullying" statement and in it I featured my idols when it comes to the subject Megan and Liz two twin singers. Also, I had posted a lyrics for their video "Are You Happy Now?" and now they have a music video out for the song directed by Shenae Grimes (Actress who made her start in the teennick show Degrassi). SO, HEAR IT IS!!! :)

Just wondering...

What would you do if you came over and found me crying on the floor?
What if you saw me this one time with my guard down. Not the "strong" person you want me to be. If I just let it all go and wanted to give up.

What would you do, if I wasn't that perfect girl you wanted me to be?

... Would you still love me?

Hey you over there...

I know you’re watching her and I know we both see her watching him, but do you know I’ve been watching you? She brings you down and laughs at you- no, not with you. But me? I admire you. I promise I’d never change anything about you. I promise I’d love you with all my heart. So, why don’t you notice me? With hope, the girl across the room…

Dear "Friend",

I just don't understand...
I talked to you over the weekend about how I've been feeling down and alone. Felt like I never talked to you or any of my other friends in quite some time. You were there for me, said you cared. Helped me out and talked about. Said we could talk more at school and you'd check in every now and then.

... So, why? Why is it that since we've had that talk you've said nothing other than a small, casual "Hi, how are you?" Then wondered off on your merry way? I know you see me, you can tell I'm holding back from tears. It's hard to deal with my family problems and my arguing with my boyfriend when I'm already losing all of my friends, too.

So.. please tell me, what are you waiting for? I need you. I just need... someone.

Dear "Concerned" Mom,

Please understand that when I tell you I'm fine, that I'm telling you the truth. Please realize that I am just going through my "moody teenage years" and alls I need to know is you care about me and you'll be there if I ever need you, but remember that I need space, too- just like you. My quick remarks such as "Oh you know, the usual- robbing banks, stripping for money, doing drugs, etc" is just my being annoyed with you asking what my plans are every two seconds. As my mother, you should know that I'm not into any of that stuff nor do I hang out with people who ARE into it. Get real! If I'm doing something out of the house- I'll tell you. What's wrong you ask? Oh nothing, mom. Just the fact I'm trying to watch a movie and you keep coming in. EVERY. TWO. SECONDS. to ask me questions. I mean, what do you want for dinner? We both know you've had tonight's dinner planned for about a week, what's the point in asking? Please remember that I'm not perfect and I'm not going to be able to live up to every single one of your standards no matter how hard I try. Please don't be too harsh on me when I get a grade lower than an A- on a paper or a test. Do you remember when you were in high school? That D+ I got on my last math quiz, I know you're not happy with it still, but I'm going to fail every once and awhile. The stress to live up to what you expect isn't easy and I will try my hardest, but no promises I will succeed.

Mom, I don't hate you, you know I love you and it's not just because your family. I understand where you are coming from, but you must understand that I need space. I need to make my own mistakes and learn from them. I need to see my choices and chose what's best. I get to decide what I want to do with my life, just like you did. You had your turn, it's mine now.

Antibullying.

SO many people are making antibullying stands and there are tons of websites, organizations, etc for it as well. My favorites (teenage bias) would be the ABCfamily "Stop Digital Drama" and DoSomthing.org (not just about bullying).

My favorite representatives are Megan and Liz two twins who are working their way up from youtube stardom as singers and are now recording their own songs and videos. They recently just released an antibullying song and soon will have a video for it, so I'd just like to share with you the lyrics video for it.

What's your favorite organization or who's your idol for this hot topic? Post in a comment below to share your answer!

That girl...

Ever feel like you're alone in the world?
You find yourself walking down the hallway and you see two girls whisper and point at you before they begin to laugh. "Yeah, that girl.." You just turn your head and look the other way, it's whatever, but really all you wanna do is drop right there in the middle of the hallway and break down crying.

Hi, my name is Jill and I'm a sixteen year old girl who's just trying to get by. No, I'm not depressed and I'm really not bullied or anything like that. I am an undiagnosed bipolar day dreamer. (Do those two things really fit together in a sentence? Nope, oh well). I'm a Junior in high school and I torture myself with too many AP and honors classes, but I manage to get by. I have divorced parents and two siblings and an amazing boyfriend of just over three months now. I believe in imagination and the fact that every human is beautiful. I dream in being fluent in two languages other than English and visiting all fifty states.

I intend to focus my blog on the things that I go through in high school or I witness other people, sometimes stuff to do with music or movies, etc. If you ever have any suggestions feel free to tell me!